Funny one liners

* I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,

she said: Cheque books.

* The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the

prices of new car.

* What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into

men when they drink.

* What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

* Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute

and then expects your pulse to be normal.

* Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on

the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir.

Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

* Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

* Q: What's the diff between mother & wife? A: One woman brings you

into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

* Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and

closes it. He does this again and again. Why?

Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.